One night a friend of his that worked with him stopped by the apartment about 1:45 to wait for him to come home for his lunch break. This guy didn't have to be to work until 3 so there were times when he would stop by our place before going to work. He was my husband drug buddy and they would get high before going into work. Usually he didn't show up until a little after 2 when my husband was already home. This night, however, he showed up earlier. Something told me not to let him in, but I did. We were sitting in the living room talking when my husband walked in and started accusing us of having an affair. His friend and I both told him he was nuts and that we were just sitting there talking but my husband wouldn't hear it. His friend left for me to get the full wrath of my husband. First he went to my sons room and took him out of crib and left. I begged and pleaded with him not to take him anywhere, but he just slapped me out of the way. He was gone about 10 minutes, when he got back he didn't have my son. He had taken my son to his father and his father had him. I begged him to bring my son back. He just kept saying first he had to teach me a lesson.

I will spare you the gory details, but for the next 3 hours I endured beatings, rape, humiliation, and I honestly thought I was going to die. When he was done, tired, or just plain bored, I don't know which, he left. During the time he was gone, I got up, went into the shower and tried to wash away all the dirt I felt on my skin, and in my soul.

He came back about an hour later and he had my son. When he handed the baby to me he told me to remember the little warning he gave me because next time I wouldn't be getting my son back and my son would have a new mommy because I would be dead. That's when I knew I had to get out of there. I had to figure a way to get out with my son and alive. 

My ex husband isn't an educated man. Actually, you could literally call him stupid when it comes to thinks like that. But he had street smarts. He had charmed his way into a lot of places. So I knew I had no one to call for help. And my parents would be of no help. Mom always said "You've made your bed, now lay in it." Well, it was time to change those sheets and I had to do it alone.

The next day, the answer walked right into my home. A neighbor had stopped by to chat. She was older, but petite, and even a little sexy in that hootchie sort of way...exactly what turned my husband's head. I sat there and noticed the way he looked at her. And I knew if I played my cards right I would be able to get out with everything that meant the most to me....my son. It took me two weeks, but after long exhausting days of filling my husband with beer and drugs I finally convinced him that he didn't want me, he wanted her. And to just let me go stay with my parents for a week or so, so he could figure out exactly what he wanted. I had already prearranged to go stay with an aunt and uncle. I would be safe there. They wouldn't let him near me...or my son. When he actually agreed to let me go peacefully I held my breath until I was actually out the door and on my way. I just knew something would go wrong. I just knew that I spent the last 2 weeks of demeaning myself to this man, just so I could get out alive. But nothing went wrong and I was finally safe. Or so I thought...

It was long after that he decided my son belonged to him. He had "heard" that I was seeing someone else. I think it was just his way of convincing himself he had lost control over me. So with the help of his father, he kidnapped my son. I instantly saw red. Lost all the fear of this man and went after him. I was out for blood...his. I wanted it smeared all over the place. I wanted him to beg me for his life. I wanted him to know what it felt to fear death. I wanted him to know what I went through. All the pain, all the humiliation. I should have known that what I wanted I wouldn't get. Somehow he had gotten lucky and the officer on duty was a woman hater. I was arrested and charged with so much it made my head spin. The cop even told me that I had no right going after my husband and that my husband had every right to beat on me. No, this cop no longer works as a police officer. Seems to many women were hauled in and falsely arrested.

My charges were dropped, all of them except a couple that my husband had brought against me. But I managed to have those dropped too when I charged him with assault. He was looking at years in jail. And the judge that he would have had to appear before did not like him. So he dropped his charges and I dropped mine. 

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With the help of his new woman being so totally into herself and her own children I managed to get my son away from that man for good. She fed him lies about my son not being his. He believed her, even though I kept telling him it wasn't true. But you see, I was the bad one in the picture. I was the one that always lied. I was the dirty one. So he believed her. By this time months and months had passed and I had met someone who seemed to care about my feelings. He was good to my son...no, he spoiled my son rotten! And my son liked him. So I just sat back and let this woman fill my ex with all the lies. When my divorce became final, I started to tell him that if he didn't think the child was his then to relinquish his rights. He wasn't so sure about that one. While he was making up his mind, I was planning my new wedding and making sure I got my child support checks on the day they were due. Which is the one thing that made my ex decide to relinquish his rights. He tried to give me all these excuses about how he had to pay this bill or that bill, or his car broke down, or whatever. And he would always make me speak to his new woman. I told her flat out that if I didn't receive my money on the day it was due I would go to the state and let them handle it and he would end up having to pay more. I always got my money.

Two months after I was married to my new husband, we went before the judge and he adopted my son. My son was almost 4 by this time. Actually, it was the day before his 4th birthday. The boy didn't know any father other than the man that was holding him. He had forgotten about the monster that had produced him. At least, that is what I thought. I found out 6 years later that he remembered bits and pieces. And that made me fall apart. That made me madder than hell.

I had spent the last 6 years "seeing" my husband everywhere. We had moved half way across the country and this man haunted me. He wasn't actually there, I just thought he was. When my son told me he had remembered bits and pieces I knew I had to take a stand and finally stop this man from tormenting me. I got my chance, one day, when he stupidly decided to call me. He wanted to know how "Christopher" was doing. My husband and I had changed my sons name at the time of the adoption...it wasn't Christopher though. And this stupid man who was, for some reason, now trying to get back into my sons life couldn't even remember the boys name. When he asked about "Christopher" I let loose. And for the next half hour I unleashed everything I had on him. I let him know exactly what I thought of him. And exactly what kind of person he was. He tried to deny abuse...only because his new wife (wife number 4) was listening in. Of course, with his brain being so fried on drugs it was a wonder he even knew his own name. And I let him know that too. After I was done the tone in his voice let me know I had accomplished what I set out to do. I had finally taken out my sword and stabbed him straight in the gut with it and he felt it. That's been almost 10 years ago now. I haven't heard from him since. But I have gotten reports on him through his mother. He has spent time in jail for domestic violence on two wives and he is working on wife #5. His mother did call me on his request once to ask me to call him. He was in the hospital about to undergo bypass surgery. I guess he wanted to purge himself for all the wrong doing? Nah, I doubt it. It was probably more like he wanted me to have pity on him. I told his mother that I wasn't going to call him and that if he died on that table it wouldn't make a bit of difference to me. He could die and rot for all I cared, but I didn't want to hear his sob story. I was finally free of him and he wasn't going to be allowed back into my emotions ever again.

Now, the two men in my life that caused the most damage to me are finally out of my life. My father passed away in August of 2004. I have no feelings about either one of those men in anyway whatsoever. I will NOT forgive them for what they did though. That will NOT be happening any time soon. But, I have let go of the hate that I had for them. At the moment the memories of everything that happened are causing me a little grief, but I will learn to work through that. I've moved back to the area where all this had happened so I think that has something to do with it. I am dealing with it the best that I can. But I'm not letting it take me over as I would have in the past. I would have let it eat me alive in the past and let it turn me into nothing but a shell of a person. I'm not letting it do that this time. Those two men are not going to affect me anymore. I will not let them control me anymore. It is time I moved on and do something good with what I went through. I need to turn the dirtiness, the hatefulness, into something clean and kind. This website is just the beginning for me.....

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