My next real memory of my childhood was my first day of 4th grade. We lived on a military base that had it's own elementary school. I was always afraid of first days at school. I never knew what to expect. Reminded me of home when my father was there. A whole lot of tension in the air. But when I walked into my classroom there stood an angel at the head of the class. She was tall and had raven black hair that flowed all the way down to her waist. She was the most beautiful person I had ever seen. Her voice was so calming. She made us all feel at ease. I knew right then this year was going to be a good year in school. I had Mrs. Berg, an angel from heaven.

By this time I was VERY afraid of my father and I started to slowly pull away from him. He was no longer that "hero" of a daddy that most little girls had. Instead he had become a monster in the making. Even though I don't really remember any beatings up until this time, I do remember him showing his anger a whole lot. Yelling a whole lot. 

I remember sitting in the living room one day, it was a Saturday. No school. Always did like Saturdays. :) Even though I didn't get to see Mrs. Berg, Saturdays were fun because I didn't have to work. This one Saturday stands out in my mind, because it was when I first noticed the evil in my father. He told us kids it was nap time and I said I wasn't tired. It was Saturday and I was 9 years old at this time. I was a big girl and big girls didn't take naps. My father turned and looked at me and the evil that shot out of his eyes into me was horrible. I ran to my bedroom, climbed under my blankets and hid. It wouldn't be the last time I saw that evil or what else was in there.

I tried my best to tread lightly where my father was concerned. When I did something wrong he would unleash his evil on me and it always hurt. One day, after a night of having the evil strike me, I walked into my classroom and sat down. I sat in front of the class because I liked being close to the angel. After school, Mrs. Berg asked me to stay behind a minute. When the other kids left, she sat down next to me and asked me to hold out my hands. I knew then she had seen the evil marks and it scared me. I held out my hands and she took them into hers and asked how I had hurt myself. I didn't say anything. I was to afraid to. I'm sure she saw the terror in my eyes. I was so afraid she would find out and say something to my father and then he would unleash his terror on me again. She looked at me and told me that when she was little she used to hurt herself a lot too and that I need to be more careful. I didn't understand what she was saying at the time, but I do now. 

That entire year was spent doing my best to get good grades and practicing my violin. I had joined the orchestra at school and the playing relaxed me. Took me out of this world and into a land of peace and calm. It was the only year of school that I can remember actually liking. At the end of the school, I was sad. I didn't want it to end. Whenever I was in class I felt safe. My angel was there to protect me. But Mrs. Berg had given me her address and phone number and told me to write or call during the summer. I did write her. I wasn't allowed to call because I wasn't allowed to use the phone. I enjoyed writing her. Almost at the end of summer my father announced that we were moving again. This was horrible, horrible news. Even though I wouldn't have Mrs. Berg for a teacher the next year I would still see her. So I would still be safe. Now we were moving to another state far away and I would never see her again. I ran to my room and wrote her a letter and told her. Her and I wrote several more times even after I moved, but then one day I just never heard from her again. I still don't know what happened to my angel.

We moved to Virginia this time. To a tiny little town where my father grew up. I was surround by his family, and more people like him..........